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Number 2

by Wendy Ho

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1.
Intro 00:38
2.
Poop Noodle 02:58
Please don’t fuck me in the ass tonight That Popeye’s Fried Chicken ain’t sittin right And please don’t try to stick it in all quick Or you’ll end up with some shit on yo dick Don’t try to sway me by puttin on that Aretha Or you’ll end up with poop in yo urethra I ain’t gonna do it because it hurts I ain’t gonna do it, got the Hershey squirts! Dingleberries all in yo balls You want poop noodle? I’m gonna give it to you! Wo-oh wahow ohwoahwoahwaho! You want some butt sex, you want up in it But not tonight in my anus! You want my pooper, you wanna pound it But it feels like I’m gonna shit on yo dick! Please don’t drive down my Hershey Highway I just drank some Maalox now you actin gay And please stop fingering my brown eyed butthole Unless you wanna end up with a stanky tootsie roll Our love used to be never ending, just like a story I’m sorry but this ain’t no hole of glory! I got a perfect pussy what more do you need? You nasty muthafucka want my butthole to bleed! Anal fissures and some corn on yo nuts You want poop noodle? Which is poop comin out yo peehole after you fuck a butt that has shit in it! Ah! You want some butt sex, you want up in it But not tonight in my anus! You want my pooper, you wanna pound it But it feels like I’m gonna shit on yo dick! P-O-O-P N-O-O-D-L-E What’s that spell, y’all? P-O-O-P N-O-O-D-L-E It’s more like what’s that smell, y’all? You want some butt sex, you want up in it But not tonight in my anus! You want my pooper, you wanna pound it But it feels like I’m gonna shit on yo dick, son.
3.
4.
Breaking news report... Purse thief terrorizing the city... Film at 11... AHHHHHHHHH! I stole yo purse! AHHHHHHHHH! I stole yo purse! Prada, Gucci and Louis Vuitton I shook the shit outcho purse and I left it on the lawn Ain’t nothing but my Zorro sign I shake that purse, and leave the shit behind Beware of the way you flossin yo bag I’m a real ghetto bitch, not a funny fag hag Eye on yo purse it reminds me of a cunt Empty it out like that time of the month Eye on yo purse it reminds me of a cunt Empty it out like that time of the month AHHHHHHHHH! I stole yo purse! AHHHHHHHHH! I stole yo purse! I stole yo purse bitch and that’s yo curse bitch Lordy Mama, I stole yo purse! I got a hole in my head and there’s no one to fix it! A little unrational. I got a hole in my head and there’s no one to fix it! A little unrational. I take yo purse and I take yo man too I take him at a party and I fuck him in the bathroom Find yoself a garbage bag, a satchel or ziplock While you wonderin where yo purse is I’ll be suckin yo manz cock I shook it, I took it, ain’t no apologies You stand there cryin and I say, “BITCH, PLEASE!” You were the one who left that shit all alone At least I didn’t take yo muthafuckin cell phone, cell phone bitch! Ring a ling a ling, ring a ling a ling… AHHHHHHHHH! I stole yo purse! AHHHHHHHHH! I stole yo purse.
5.
See I’m not some random chick screamin at you thru speakers I’m a top scientist with goggles and smokin beakers Nope, I ain’t just some twisted bitch talkin ish I’m a vegan who eats beef, chicken, pork and fish Be traumatizin mommies when they come to see me I’ll make a pregnant bitch squirt out a preemie (pppt!) Just kiddin, I’m the devil sportin cloven hooves y’all Back there on the decks is my DJ Qualls Lil camper I’ll help you buck up But I’m a deaf MC, so SPEAK THE FUCK UP!
6.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. Meemaw’s pussy Clapped in church on Sunday morning Meemaw’s pussy Used to ache sometimes and swell Oh Meemaw’s pussy Used to cum without a warning I’d say, “Meemaw, why yo pants all wet?” She say, “Baby dontcha fret Gramma coochie needs to sweat!” Meemaw’s pussy Hey. Meemaw’s pussy Was fo sale at the swap meet Meemaw’s pussy Healed the crippled and the lame Oh Meemaw’s pussy Used to smell like cheesy feet, child She say, “Meemaw work is nevah done Poonie need to have some fun Let that gina get some sun!” Meemaw’s pussy Meemaw’s pussy Floppy gloppy musky dusky Meemaw’s pussy Gamey Jamie oozey Suze Oh Meemaw’s pussy Named her poonie Rosemary Clooney She’d say, “Baby, dontcha cry no mo Soon enough yo gina grow Sure to be the best in show!” Meemaw the reason I’m a Ho When I get to Jesus I’ll look for Meemaw’s pussy Mhmm, mhmm.
7.
Uncle Paul! (free) 00:37
8.
I’m squirtin in an alley, drenchin a wino Now I’m in the stirrups frenchin my gyno Grab them clippers and please come trim me I’ll take a landing strip or the Wilford Brimley I’d love a handful of salty peanuts But I’m partial to a handful of salty penis I’m always delighted by the popcorn trick Yeah I might as well face it I’m addicted to dick! Every election I vote for Dukakis And every blind date I serve up a cock kiss I’ll take a turkey slap, better yet a dutch oven Fuck a dude with palsy, I call it “crutch lovin” Ain’t no clown but juggle four balls at once Get my face painted when I hear two grunts (unghhh!) Someone’s on the couch skiing with twin brothers Surprise muthafuckas... I’m Tina Yothers! What will we do baby without us? What will we do baby without us? Shalalala!
9.
Tina 02:51
Yo hair is gettin thin And yo face is lookin ruff You tell me you just need sleep Cuz you ain’t gettin enuff But I found that pipe in yo room And I knew what this was all about You been smoking methamphetamine Yo teef done all fell out It’s like you always tweekin Every day and on the weekend Dontchoo even try to pretend Thatchoo ain’t been crackin out I can smell them toxic fumes Crank, speed, ice and glass Baby you been smoking tina Don’t be lyin to my ass You fucked yo whole life up You broke and you ain’t got no job Baby you been smoking tina I’m prayin you gonna stop You been smoking tina, tina, tina You been smoking tina, tina, tina OooOOooooh! I see you lost some weight You lookin really slim But not in a good way Not like you been hittin the gym You spent my rent money Your balls, meet my knee Ain’t nothing recreational It look like crystalized pee You need detox Whatchoo hidin in that shoebox? Prahly suckin on strange cocks So you can go get high I can smell them toxic fumes Crank, speed, ice and glass Baby you been smoking tina Don’t be lyin to my ass You fucked yo whole life up You broke and you ain’t got no job Baby you been smoking tina I’m prayin you gonna stop You been smoking tina, tina, tina You been smoking tina, tina, tina OooOOooooh!
10.
Bust it. Bust it. Who you gon call??? Cokebusters! Who you gon call??? Cokebusters! I used to fuck with the white And snort up the snow Wudn't no gode in my rainbow Woke up in tha monin reakin of piss Couldn't remember what man I was wit Sooner or later it would come back to me And all I can say is that fuckin blow blew me Golden showers, coked out thrilluhs Piss in my mouf, you know it won't kill us (Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is) Uh huh uh huh uh huh! Cocaine make my pussy pucker, motherfucker Cocaine make my pussy pucker You got a limp johnson I gave it a looky I need hard candy not a soft batch cookie You want me to suck that prick, son? You betta kick that Cocaine addiction Who you gon call??? Cokebusters! Who you gon call??? Cokebusters! Cut to da club in line for da bafroom Heard dat coke being sniffed like a vacuum Jonesin hard like a friend without the R Need my fix like a baby need tar Wanna get up in that terlet stall Shouted “Police! Get yo back up da wall!” Opened up da door and my gina twitch Knew I was gonna be his ya-yo bitch Sugar in his hand I said “Gimme dat fool! Gonna sniff a line off ya Peter O’Toole!” “You scare me gurl, but get on it Ho Wanna show you how to turn blow yellow.” He drew me in close, took a bump from da key Whispered in my ear “Do you like pee?” “I like tea, especially with honey! Take me home boo you make a punani runny!” Who you gon call??? Cokebusters! Who you gon call??? Cokebusters! So we got to his place I was ready to fuck Jackin that jock just tryin to get it up “Okay baby, we aint gotta do…” “Shut the fuck up I'm gonna pee on you!” So I let the rain fall down on me I was 13 and he R. Kelly Urine sprayed out, out of his pecker I started to feel like a broken record “I ain't gonna do cocain no mo I ain't gonna do it no mo… I ain't gonna do cocain no mo I ain't gonna do it no mo…” “Shut the fuck up you muthafuckin ho!” Knocked my ass out in a single blow Got a steak on my eye from that fateful night When I come to know nose candy just ain't right It ain't right, it ain't right Cocaine mutchafuckas! Cocaine. Urination is a drug intervention That shit’ll fuck. you. up. Write H.O. in yellow snow? N.O., I don’t think so. Unless you wanna get peed on Or get yo nose bleed on It might be time to quit that shit. Well, unless it’s for free. And you know you don’t really need to be turnin down no free drugs. Free smack, free crack, free toke, free coke? What? Oh yeah, well… don’t get pooped on either, cause you know, that shit can easily happen too.
11.
Yo spread em! But no I ain’t da cops Fuck a dildo, give me Jello Pudding Pops! Damn, looks like I made a mess of the bed No wonder I be soppin it up with some bread The stick was hiding, my patch so briar Put that bread back on and into my fryer Chocolate in my vag? Gonna have to boast That’s right, I invented Jello Pudding Toast! Head on down to the patent office Gonna explain what poured outta my orifice I’m the new voice of this nation Backed up by a Power Point presentation Make my first milli not by singin Yeah yo, I be Hollywood swingin Move over sweaters, move along Bill Cosby The genius has landed, don’t know what my flaws be JELLO PUDDING TOAST J-E-L-L-O JELLO PUDDING TOAST P-U-D-D-I-N-G JELLO PUDDING TOAST T-O-A-S-T Invented by me.
12.
Fresh Bowels 01:47
Your front lawn is brown but not from neglect You ain’t got no dogs I ain’t got no respect While you eatin dinner that’s all candle lit I make my own fertilizer, a Ho can handle it I get a little tipsy and make the earf my toilet Pull my dress up, I grimace then soil it You’re gonna need a maid with fresh towels Cuz I’m a bitch with fresh bowels. Whu-u-ah-oh. No baby in sight but somethin really reeks I just ate six tacos full of beaks It’s Wendy Ho’s version of the master cleanse With enemies like you who needs friends? Here’s some advice while you doze Keep one eye open and one hole closed You’re gonna need a maid with fresh towels Cuz i’m a bitch with fresh bowels. Whu-u-ah-oh.
13.
Yes You Can 00:37
14.
Dis goes out to all dem gurlfriends that ever had to break up with dey best good gurlfriend... Oh I never thought it’d be this way And before we close this chapter There’s somethin I wanna say Gurl, you muthafuckin crazayyy I tried each and every single way To save this relationship butchoo dint have Nothing to say To my face, unless you was talking behind my back with them otha bisches and I wantchoo to know that we talked aboutchoo ass too, gurl! Keep trippin, keep flippin Dis is where this so called friendship ends, mmmhmm That’s why we ain’t friends Oh you trynna point the finger This is where this dysfunction has to end You are working my last damn nerve bitch! That’s why we ain’t friends and i remember when you gots all drunk at that party and yo boyfriend at the time lil pistol decided to getchoo all undressed and put a CARROT up yo ass and everybody walked around school callin you salad shooter gurl i never ever called you dat instead i had yo muthafuckin back and took picture of a lil inky tinky pinky dick and posted it all over da hood and wrote “lil pistol got a lil pistol” i had yo back gurl and what about that time thatchoo got caught drinkin underage in da club da po po axed you who boughtchoo dat drink and you pointed to my ass gurl i hadda go to court for that shit i loaned you monay you never paid my ass back you ran my mama's car into a dumpster you fucked kim’s man on yo period i dint tell her gurl and that’s why we ain’t friends! Oh you jealous and competins Even though you be drivin around in yo husband’s Benz And that's why we ain’t friends, oh-wa-ho-oh Dis is toxic, let’s be grown up You been two faced the entire time I knowed yo ass! That's why we ain’t friends, mhmm That's why we ain’t friends That’s why we ain’t friends, gurl.
15.
In the john, constipation’s makin me pouty All the pushin is makin my anus an outie I’m a multi-tasker, rhymin on the shitter Then practice my lines for the sequel to “Glitter” Too long in the tub and I’m California seedless Dealer’s outta town, my bong is weedless So I “Just Say No” to them brain cell leeches Instead I memorize the soundtrack to “Beaches” Weekly meeting with the Ho Pep Squad Then catch a matinee over at the quad “DON’T GO IN THE HOUSE!” imma yell at the screen Stop off at the rec to breast feed a hungry teen Over to Petco, be feedin rabbits carrots “Skwawk! Ring-a-ling-a-ling!” Be teachin parrots Now I’m exhausted, yo I need to recharge Take a seven day cruise on a garbage barge
16.
Well I heard you gonna leave TV I understand gurl believe you me But before you go I gots to say somethin to ya What I know fo sho, gonna read some O But what I’m gon do when the clock strikes 4 And there ain’t no Oprah Winfrey on my TV?? Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey Ohhhhhhh... prah. I used to come home from school dint have no friends Sit down and watch some Oprah, I was only 10 You was fat and dis was back when you was black And I was fat too, and the kids were mean You got skinny and wore them size 10 Calvin Klein Jeans And I was mad atchoo gurl but you wuz still my queen! Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey Ohhhhhhh... prah. You taught me how to live my best life Dint have to be a mama or some stoopit man’s wife I’m a Ho and I’m a qween, workin out with Bob Greene And all my life I had to fight Harpo beats me and that ain’t right Had an a-ha moment, and YOU turned on the light! Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey Ohhhhhhh... prah. I read “A New Earf” and Marianne Williamson too Martha Beck and Maya Angelou Traded Doctor Phil for Doctor Oz And he taught me all about my poo And you get a car. And you get a car. AND YOU GET A CAR!! AND YOU GET A CAR!!!! AND EVERYBODY GETS THEYSELVES A CAR!!!!!!! Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey Ohhhhhhh... Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey Ohhhhhhh... prah!
17.
Blonde hair flowin, murder she wrote Down on the farm I was haulin oats Hitched outta town, made my momma cry Fuck the French, gonna eat dem fries I’ll bitch slap a bitch, another bitch, yo bitch and her friend Then chillout with my betamax of “Three Baby and a Mens!” I play Othello with the living, I harmonize with the dead Do da goddamn waltz in 2010 with Astaire, Fred I bring the noise, I bring the static, a billion movin asses I bring the Gore like Al yo, I make music for the masses! I’m yo Ho! Yo qween Ho! And dis my show! Yo qween Ho! And I betchoo didn’t know… Celery, peanut butter, raisins: ants on a log Twist me like a pretzel, I’m a downward facing dog Sittin in my director’s chair, I call all da shots “Now you feather Susan’s Loochey, and you stir Annie’s Potts!” Kick on the 1! 2! 3! 4! And a ratatat! … Oh honey, you want more? I’ll whip you with Orion’s belt, I’m the brightest fucking star I’m crying while I’m dunking, I’m Paula Abdul-Jabbar I’m clearing house wit dem giant checks I’m a witch with a brew: I just started to hex! I’m yo Ho! Yo qween Ho! And dis my show! Yo qween Ho! Um, in case you didn’t know… baby. gurl. mama’s. runt. my first word was cunt. BABY. GURL. MAMA’S. RUNT. MY FIRST WORD WAS CUNT. BABY! GURL! MAMA’S! RUNT! MY FIRST WORD WAS CUNT, CUNT! grrrrr. Turn on da tube and what did I see? Pope rippin up my photo on live tv! I don’t stop and I don’t quit Oreo cookie with some milk from my tit Like Milli love Vanilli, like Courtney Love some Cox To all my Jews in my hood raise up yo bagels and yo lox! This bitch is off her leash now, cats are fuckin in the yard “Now order me a mystical pizza with a side of chicken paillard.” No comprendo señor? Don’t get what this song’s about? This is “Hoz Theme” muthafucka… YOU figure it out!
18.
This song goes out to all the gentlemen in the audience tonight. And I know there’s alot of you out there... because I’m in the gayest city in America. You can fuck me in my bedroom. You can fuck me in my bafroom. You can fuck me in my kitchen. You can fuck me from behind. You can fuck me in my mini-van. Toss my salad like a gay man. I don’t care how you fuck me Just fuck me when you can. You can fuck me on my tippy toes. Jump my bones until the rooster crows. You can fuck me with a dildo Anything to fill my hole. You can jump on and ride my ass. Fuck me hard baby fuck me fast. I don’t care how you fuck me Just fuck me right damn now. There are issues and baggage between us Always something to get over. If I had my way surely you would Shut the fuck up and fuck me. I need you to fuck me. Dat’s right. Cuz you know sometimes… A lady needs to be made love to…that’s the troof… But otha times she needs to get FUCKED! And it’s up to you men to figure out when to do which one… SO FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT! PLEASE! There are issues and baggage between us. Always some kinda bullshit to get over. If I had my way surely you would Shut the fuck up and fuck me. I need you to fuck me. You can fuck me deep inside. Up the butt I ain’t got no pride. You can nose dive into my poon Butcha betta do it soon. You can fuck me in Pakistan. Blow my coochie up like tha Taliban. I don’t care how you fuck me… Just fuck me when you can. I don’t care, I don’t care! I need you to fuck me. I. need. you. right. here. right. now. inside. of. me. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck me! I don’t care how you fuck me just…just…fuck me when you........ can.

about

Number 2 is Wendy Ho’s first mixtape and features all new song parodies, freestyles and mashups and remixes of songs from her debut album The Gospel According to Ho. From the anti-anal disco anthem “Poop Noodle” to the southern soul parable “Meemaw’s Pussy” to a dance remix of her infamous torch song “Fuck Me,” Ho has birthed a classic hip-hop/r&b mixtape.

credits

released September 13, 2010

Produced by: Craig Levy at Little Pioneer Studio in Brooklyn, NY

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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about

Wendy Ho Los Angeles, California

Ho is an artist.  Ho is a state of mind.  Ho redefines women in music with true liberation.  She is funny and sexy.  A self- possessed, self-assured mashup of street and trash who makes you laugh while she makes you think.  The responses she evokes from audiences are as diverse as her roots, but at the core there is no question about who she is.  Wendy is all woman.  All Ho. ... more

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