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Yes, I'm A Ho!

by Wendy Ho

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1.
Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you. Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you! I got a white mustache and no it ain’t milk Not made of soy, the brand’s not silk Just trynna make the world a bettah place With cum in my hair and jizz on my face My name is ho, dat ain’t symbolic symbolic Addicted to dick, a real cockaholic Fuck 12 steps gimme 12 inches A bone so big my poonie flinches What would ho do WWHD? The "Jesus of Ass" is who I be Fuck the father, the son, the holy ghost All of em notches in my bed post Let’s get nasty anything goes Braid yo pubic hair into cornrows I’ll donkey punch YOU if dat’s whatcha like Now spit on my clit like I spit on the mic! Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you. Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you! Super ho strengfs, super ho power Pussy destroy! Pussy devour! 2 hands on yo dong then pull it You’ll come faster than a speeding bullet You like poop? Wassup! Wassup! Let’s play a little game of one Ho, one cup What’s a matter you don’t fuck with shit? It’s a dirty job, but some one gotta do it Seriously, let’s play rape No means yes, go get the duct tape Kill my cunt! Put it in a casket! Now put yo lotion in my fucking basket! Its my qweendom, and here’s my decree Every dick in the land gets fucked by me Storm my castle, French my chateau Get down on yo knees to the one Qween Ho! Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you. Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you! To all my hoz out there have sex, get laid! I’ll see you at the next slut pride parade To all the drag queens you my numba one fans Act like a lady and screw like a… man!!! Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you. Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you!
2.
i can’t have this kid right now don’t know who the daddy is anyhow i can’t afford it… i’m gonna have to abort it it’s my right it’s my prerogative i’m the one who says if this baby’s gonna live i rub the lamp i only want one wish i wish you weren’t swimming in my stomach like a fish don’t want you don’t wanna be yo mom if i was 17 i would flush you at the prom i feel you feeding like a parasite rock a bye baby time to sayyyyyyyy… good nite! i can’t have this kid right now don’t know who the daddy is anyhow i can’t afford it…i’m gonna have to abort it good morning sickness that ain’t good spend 300 dollas at planned parenthood don’t need my ass to not fit in dese jeanz don’t need no 5 to 7 pound shitting machine so raise yo hands and raise yo voice thanks ta roe vs. wade we can be pro choice now only god can judge and shake a fangar but i’m still in the alley with a wiiiiire… hangar! i can’t afford no time i can’t afford no energy yo let me spell it out in alpha bits cere-o N-O-B-A-B-I-E-S N-O-B-A-B-I-E-S N-O-B-A-B-I-E-S this goes out to all my selfish bitches this goes out to all my selfish bitches i can’t have this kid right now don’t know who the daddy is anyhow i can’t afford it… i’m gonna have to abort it dat baby was yoze.
3.
Cuz sometimes, when I'm havin a heavy day.... I got to turn to my tampoon angels to guide my way! girl putcho tampon in blood is runnin down yo’ shin shower scene in “carrie” nightmares and ketchup samich dreams the lifestyle of a bitch whose famous ain’t never what it seems tampon to the limit, the hunt for october red for one week outta the month my man is happy he finally getting some head no i ain’t savion glover and my aunt flo ain’t no lover she ain’t bringin in da noise bringin in da funks she bringin in da clots she bringin in da clunks my menses ain’t my mens…can i get an amen? glad i ain’t pregnant but all i can say is, oh really you again? girl putcho tampon in blood is runnin down yo’ shin glo worm is a glowin, red rivah is a flowin there’s so much blood on the dancefloor gimme 2 paddles i be rowin i’m in tune with tha moon even with my ovurings sometimes just to kick it da ode school way i bust out my always with wings got on my period panties, yo i try to keep em cleans no thanks i’m on a diet i’ll have 3 diet cokes and 3 lean cuisines no i ain’t nell carter, but this week i’m a fire starter so gimme a break before i kill you dead my nervous man ax, “is you on yo pe-ri-ed?” 5 to 7 days in the red tent make my day pay my bills and rent girl putcho tampon in blood is runnin down yo’ shin
4.
ho: man, subsitute teaching is hard... shideeda don’t run so fast! teacher friend: no doubt wendy. ho: def not what i had planned but times is tough... malcom-jamal, give seeja her ball back! well,hello nicotina. what’s wrong, honey? kid: ms. ho, i made doodoo. ho: awwww. you know when i shit in my pants... i just shake it out the leg... shake it out the leg shake it out the leg when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg kid: miss ho tell us about the first time it happened... miss ho: sure, i’d be glad to! gather round kids let me tell you a tale one that always stinks without fail it’s not about the keebler troop it’s about “shit elves”: they assemble your poop! so once upon a time they workin hard overnight tryin to wake me up but i be puttin up a fight but dey fought back! dey wuz kickin my liver lil fuckers tryina give me the doody shivers! trying to hold it in, i need my beauty sleep and my sheets never needin a giant doody heap oh man, my ass was turtling what’s the smell? f-f-fresh milk curdling but got lucky passed out in my clothes and was wearing bellbottoms not pantyhose so i just stayed in bed cuz when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg shake it out the leg shake it out the leg when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg kids: tell us more, ms. ho! ho: sure, lemme think.. hmmm... oh yeah! another time went out for mexican was about to make a mess again just call me diarrhea pearlman not a lady, i’m a motherfuckin girl, man! wasn’t gonna make it to the toilet said “give me the floor, i think i’m gonna soil it” waiter yellin “oh, please god save us!” better call in ann b. davis donde esta el quarto de bahno??? was bloated like a young jerry o’connell lady lump BETWEEN the cheeks my ass has lips: yo i seen it speak bangin on the door some bitchz taking forever bout to get an ax but then i remembered i can chill even smellin like an egg cuz when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg shake it out the leg shake it out the leg when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg kids: go ms. ho, go ms, ho! one more! ho: ok, i went camping... upstate, playing black jack with black jerry makin chili by any beans necessary don’t need cards to be playin craps if my plumber was there he’d be playin taps! i don’t need tp i need paper towels wish i ate at mcdonalds or even mcdowells “bowelful” of chili almost filling my jeans damn muthafucka... i need the latrines! but there was no toilet in sight ain’t a pope or a bear so i held my ass tight got lost but i left my own trail don’t smell it? it’s cool, i can feel it in braille all i needed was a bucket or a pool or a pond but then i said fuck it when i’m a pirate it runs down my peg but when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg shake it out the leg shake it out the leg when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg
5.
Lucky Man 03:38
yes my lucky man no otha woman can do it like i can my man my man my man oh my privleged man see, i only aim to please hen i give him a hand release he don’t hold back he paints the walls with his own niagara falls yes ma’am that’s my man i’m his livin dream if i ever find myself in the family way he can redecorate the baby’s room in cream yes my lucky man no otha woman can do it like i can my man my man my man oh my privleged man i make him homemade guacamole for that he licks my crack and hole, g he starts at my belly ends up at my spine he’s down south in virginia and the weather is fine tears of joy he cries from his peenee hole yo i can’t believe i just said peenee hole talkin bout my man like he three years old yes my lucky man no otha woman can do it like i can my man my man my man oh my privleged man see my man he really gets it he takes my pussy out and then he pets it i’m talking bout my kitten retard a flash of my pink makes his purple dick hard and sometimes he be chinese makes me chow fun and says “more pussy prease” he gets so lonely when i’m away so i made him a mold of my vajayjay sometimes you gots to make a mold out of that shit and you know, sometimes some people like to use jello when they make a mold other people use like clay, but I use ham to make a mold out of my vajayjay my sweet vajayjay hayyyyyy lucky man my lucky man i hold his dick when he pisses lucky man my lucky man give him kitty butthole kisses lucky man my lucky man i’ll milk his prostate til he’s cancer free rucky man my rucky man he big bangs my pussy thru the galaxy…
6.
i am the shit i am the feces when i’m on stage i am the shit i am the feces when i’m on stage yo! last name ho but no i ain’t asian totally appropriate for any occasion any boujey party full of savoir faire i let them eat cake while i let down my hair i sing my songs, i tell my troof leave a gift in yo pool, look like a baby roof i’m a healer: bring your lame and crippled bring me homosexuals, my album sales triple “beware of the ho!” don’t rattle my cage bite the head off a dildo thrown on my stage read me my rights, frisk me, cuff me oh you didn’t hear when i asked y’all to “fuck me”? i’m rollin solo, not the fifth fuckin beatle gettin drunk, my alcohol syndrome is fetal dats rite you staring at da main attracion i am bubbles, you just michael jackson i am the shit i am the feces when i’m on stage i am the shit i am the feces when i’m on stage i’m the qween of the queens, ginuwine like a pony tough on the children, tender as a roni raised on slurpees, cow, and corn i’m agnetha, frida, benny and bjorn not for the frail, the weak, the fainthearted a man came in mensa and walked out retarded also made a crazy bitch go sane yo you catch my performance on the soul train? sang a new song called “eat my pussy, lord” got yanked off the stage, but the ratings soared now i’m “the qween of poop,” “the divine miss ho” but i’m a star for ONE reason: my pussy gots flow! you can judge and try to deny butcha bettah look out! you get skeet in yo eye and that shit stings oh and that shit burns but sometimes the hard way the only way you learns i am the shit i am the feces when i’m on stage i am the shit i am the feces when i’m on stage yo you feel that rumble? put your head to the ground you gotta squint your ears to hear the fuckin sound i’m coming like a japanese bullet train first i burrow in your ear then i burrow in your brain! cuz when i’m on tour i be strokin balls addressing my flock: biggie fries, biggie smalls ya’ll want an encore? hold on ladies gotta run backstage to suck off slim shady sometimes i needs a little hydration make it back in time for my standing ovation accept all your flowers and take my bows thank god i’m a ho not holier than thou a white trash girl gone ghetto superstar my pussy been stretched wide and far making non believers say “yo, she is risen” cuz when i’m on parole you be safer in prison
7.
You Frew Dis 03:12
So you thought you was just gonna get away with that shit? Hmmmm...I don't think so! couldn’t wait for karma gurl so i waved my wand i took a piss in yo pool now it’s a golden pond i said “offa my stage, i ain’t stopping sweetheart” pushed yo grandma down a hill in a shopping cart then i stole yo diary - read it to a stadium crowd don’t be hushin my life i’m gonna live out loud! why? cuz you frew dis ya’ll done made me do this oh yeah you frew dis ya’ll done made me do this to you and yo mama knew dis do you?? i sent you off to school, with shat inside yo lunch pail i’m the new lifeguard and i let yo ass flail trying to keep me down, this is my hoetry so when your purse is gone bitch, you know it’s me i smoke a pack a day just to give you second hand don’t need no backstage pass, i ain’t with, I AM the band why? cuz you frew dis ya’ll done made me do this oh yeah you frew dis ya’ll done made me do this to you and yo mama knew dis do you?? yo, clear the runway! it’s time fo a queeroff then get in the ring i’ll bitecha fuckin ear off yeah, you BETTER sail away cause my flow is orinoco in your face comes scalding cup of hot coco yeah i’m starfruit, you the string on a banana i’m fuckin poised, you chlumsky, anna so curb yourself cuz you a dog with droopy ears i’ll put ya face in yo shit, you’ll cry poopy tears yes ma’am i’m a ho, head to toe, knees and shoulders you got lil rocks i got low hangin boulders dat’s right i said it i got balls don’t forget it let me borrow your car i’ll fill it with sugar unleaded.... why? cuz you frew dis ya’ll done made me do this oh yeah you frew dis ya’ll done made me do this to you and yo mama knew dis do you??
8.
i wake up in da morning got a knob in my back didn’t sleep wrong, got a man in the sack mornin! my mashed potatoes need creamin he stirs it up good the gravy is semen we all done i head to my throne i pinch off a loaf, solid as a bone dis one perfect for my weblog http: a log of my logs time for a shower, maybe the tub scrub my cooch for the red thong club bunch a dirty grammas want me to croon songs that will lube a dry ole poon write down a verse, bass line pumping grab a pillow – practice my humping put on my tights, my superhero cape gotta stop the release of my sex tape it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a beautiful day) it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a wonderful day) go see my gramma we be watchin stories 2pm in rolls aunt lori she doin the walk but she ain’t got no shame smokin a cig, “hey, how the ho game?” i say “tricks is good” she say “tricks is for kids!” i say “suck my dick!” she say “god forbids!” meemaw chime in she say, “that’s so funny! one day wendy, you have all da money!” “thanks meemaw!” then we high five do a lil dance to “stayin alive” that’s her jam cuz she so old I say“i love you meemaw , but i gots ta go!” big press conference i gots news elbows to rub and schmoo to schmooze i announce my show: a benefit for rabies i kiss their hands and i SHAKE their babies! it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a beautiful day) it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a wonderful day) i hear fanfare when i walk thru the doors my name is announced “wendy, queen of the whores!” “who am i wearing?” wouldn’t you like to know an original from da mind of a ho whole lotta bitches trynna imitate rip offs, imposters, but i don’t hate only one ho indivisble by god i spare the child and spoil the rod why you gotta be all up in my shit? axin me queshuns and sprayin spit this is a party the night’s just begun “excuse me ma’am, i’d like to blow your son!” all i’m looking for is lasting peace in the meantime i’ll mentor your niece spread a lil wisdom and jizz on a cracker you thought i was white? i’m black…and getting blacker! it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a beautiful day) it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a wonderful day)
9.
Candles 02:55
the candles are lit and i'm ready to screw we're such a perfect fit and i'm ready to do you-ew-ew i've just dimmed the lights i'm bout to grab my lubes brace yoself cuz i'm gonna curl yo pubes if you cold i’m gonna fuck you till yo temperature rises if you black i’m gonna fuck you till yo dick shrink 2 sizes fuck yo brother, yo daddy, yo grandpa too an albino till his pink eyes turn blue fuck you till the weatherman calls for heavy rain i’ll fuck you SUPER, man, yeah i’m lois “effin” lane if you irish i’m a drain you outta all of your luck getcho dick outta yo pants, yo i’m ready to fuck! the candles are lit and i'm ready to screw we're such a perfect fit and I'm ready to do you-ew-ew i've just dimmed the lights i'm bout to grab my lubes so brace yoself cuz i'm gonna curl yo pubes what’s happenin? i’m a fuck you like rerun, hon fuck a 1000 needle dicks in the land of the rising sun i’m a fuck you in the desert while you waitin on the storm i’m a fuck you like a freshman in your college dorm i’ll be bringin chicken you be bringin jerk sauce this is my cubicle and i’m the boss, hoss if you jewish i’m a fuck you thru a white sheet… BOO! getcho cock outta your khakis, i’m gonna fuck you! enter stage left i’ll just be wearing a robe my dame judy stench like wez at the old globe i did it to you once an you nevah forgot cuz i’m an antagonist: i always thicken yo plot if you crazy i’m a fuck you till yo brain goes sane fold me up like origami: my pussy a paper crane if you mexican i’ll fuck you in the back of the kitchen i always need dick, cause my pussy got that itchin I’m “qween of the fuck” i’m world renowned i won the “ho pageant” yo i wept when i was crowned if you a priest i’m onna fuck you in the back of a confessional don’t try this at home, i’m a ho-fessional Hey we can light all of these candles We can lay down and we can make love Hey we can light all of these candles We can lay down and we can make love all night long all night long Where’d you get all these candles anyways, yankee candle company?
10.
Jerry Party! 03:16
earrings necklaces and bracelets they look so fine (look so fine) earrings necklaces and bracelets buy me jerry anytime (anytime) i’m havin a jerry party with jerry fo sale and if you don’t know no jerry then you don’t know me very wale don’t want no peelin jerry that shit turn yo finger green i want 24 karat gode make me feel like a queen earrings necklaces and bracelets they look so fine (look so fine) earrings necklaces and bracelets buy me jerry anytime (anytime) you can buy it on qvc but stay away from claire’s dat aint no boutique it’s da troof so dontchoo dare yeah i want sparkly diamondz i want precious stones adorn me like a shrine put me on a throne rings on my fingers, dangles and hoops buy me lots of jerry make my earlobes droop these are some of my favorite things buy me lots of jerry make my heart sing sing la la lah lah lah la la lah lah lah and i wanna be singing earrings necklaces and bracelets they look so fine (look so fine) earrings necklaces and bracelets buy me jerry anytime (anytime) buy me jerry anytime (anytime)
11.
White Bitch 03:18
i hate choo white bitch could be yo high pitch, cross stitch something boutchoo flips my switch to off bitch you turn me off bitch i said it brenda gurl you such a big time spenda gurl at the mall, witcha husband paul pita chips, gym memberships costa rica take a trip and you never pay a dime for it hey hey hey stephanay you drank up all the chardonnay in my house, in my house book clubs, goat cheese high rolla witcha baby strolla and you always in my way by the way yo husband gay so get in yo golden mini van slut with a gut you mighta had a kid but you still look pregnant you drinking juice without the gin what’s that you left ya left on yo plate? you eat chicken without the skin. i hate choo white bitch, could be yo high pitch, cross stitch something boutchoo flips my switch to off bitch you turn me off bitch i said it lisa skank you be sportin way too much pank like a sticker book by lisa frank and you so thin like a skeleton... damn gurl you is little! you look like you eat nuthin but skittles... taste the rainbow carolyn oh gurl where yo husband been? pseudonym at the holiday inn his dick: baby corn, hard drive: full of porn getting blown in jacuzzis wake up little floozy so get in yo golden mini van slut with a gut you mighta had a kid but you still look pregnant you drinking juice without the gin what’s that you left ya left on yo plate? you eat chicken without the skin? damn gurl, you just a stupid white bitch. talking about hot yogurt, like “i’m on my way to hot yogurt!” occhay, becchy. brenda, stephannay, lisa skank, carolyn pita chips, goat cheese, skittles and baby corns so get in yo golden mini van slut with a gut you mighta had a kid but you still look pregnant you drinking juice without the gin what’s that you left ya left on yo plate? you eat chicken without the skins? so... does that mean you not gonna eat that? well slide it over here, white bitch!
12.

credits

released October 11, 2010

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Wendy Ho Los Angeles, California

Ho is an artist.  Ho is a state of mind.  Ho redefines women in music with true liberation.  She is funny and sexy.  A self- possessed, self-assured mashup of street and trash who makes you laugh while she makes you think.  The responses she evokes from audiences are as diverse as her roots, but at the core there is no question about who she is.  Wendy is all woman.  All Ho. ... more

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