Yes, I'm A Ho!

by Wendy Ho

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03:18

credits

released 11 October 2010

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about

Wendy Ho Los Angeles, California

Ho is an artist.  Ho is a state of mind.  Ho redefines women in music with true liberation.  She is funny and sexy.  A self- possessed, self-assured mashup of street and trash who makes you laugh while she makes you think.  The responses she evokes from audiences are as diverse as her roots, but at the core there is no question about who she is.  Wendy is all woman.  All Ho. ... more

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Track Name: Yes, I'm a Ho!
Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you.
Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you!

I got a white mustache and no it ain’t milk Not made of soy, the brand’s not silk
Just trynna make the world a bettah place
With cum in my hair and jizz on my face

My name is ho, dat ain’t symbolic symbolic Addicted to dick, a real cockaholic
Fuck 12 steps gimme 12 inches
A bone so big my poonie flinches

What would ho do WWHD?
The "Jesus of Ass" is who I be
Fuck the father, the son, the holy ghost
All of em notches in my bed post

Let’s get nasty anything goes
Braid yo pubic hair into cornrows
I’ll donkey punch YOU if dat’s whatcha like
Now spit on my clit like I spit on the mic!

Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you.
Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you!

Super ho strengfs, super ho power
Pussy destroy! Pussy devour!
2 hands on yo dong then pull it
You’ll come faster than a speeding bullet

You like poop? Wassup! Wassup!
Let’s play a little game of one Ho, one cup
What’s a matter you don’t fuck with shit?
It’s a dirty job, but some one gotta do it

Seriously, let’s play rape
No means yes, go get the duct tape
Kill my cunt! Put it in a casket!
Now put yo lotion in my fucking basket!

Its my qweendom, and here’s my decree
Every dick in the land gets fucked by me
Storm my castle, French my chateau
Get down on yo knees to the one Qween Ho!

Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you.
Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you!


To all my hoz out there have sex, get laid! I’ll see you at the next slut pride parade To all the drag queens you my numba one fans Act like a lady and screw like a… man!!!

Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you.
Yes, I’m a ho! Only for you, and you, and you, and you, and you!
Track Name: I Can't Afford It (I'm Gonna Have To Abort It)
i can’t have this kid right now don’t know who the daddy is anyhow
i can’t afford it… i’m gonna have to abort it

it’s my right it’s my prerogative
i’m the one who says if this baby’s gonna live
i rub the lamp i only want one wish
i wish you weren’t swimming in my stomach like a fish
don’t want you don’t wanna be yo mom
if i was 17 i would flush you at the prom
i feel you feeding like a parasite
rock a bye baby time to sayyyyyyyy… good nite!

i can’t have this kid right now don’t know who the daddy is anyhow
i can’t afford it…i’m gonna have to abort it

good morning sickness that ain’t good
spend 300 dollas at planned parenthood
don’t need my ass to not fit in dese jeanz
don’t need no 5 to 7 pound shitting machine
so raise yo hands and raise yo voice
thanks ta roe vs. wade we can be pro choice
now only god can judge and shake a fangar
but i’m still in the alley with a wiiiiire… hangar!

i can’t afford no time
i can’t afford no energy yo
let me spell it out in alpha bits cere-o
N-O-B-A-B-I-E-S
N-O-B-A-B-I-E-S
N-O-B-A-B-I-E-S
this goes out to all my selfish bitches
this goes out to all my selfish bitches

i can’t have this kid right now don’t know who the daddy is anyhow
i can’t afford it… i’m gonna have to abort it
dat baby was yoze.
Track Name: Gurl, Putcho Tampon In
Cuz sometimes, when I'm havin a heavy day....
I got to turn to my tampoon angels to guide my way!

girl putcho tampon in
blood is runnin down yo’ shin

shower scene in “carrie” nightmares and ketchup samich dreams
the lifestyle of a bitch whose famous ain’t never what it seems
tampon to the limit, the hunt for october red
for one week outta the month my man is happy he finally getting some head
no i ain’t savion glover and my aunt flo ain’t no lover
she ain’t bringin in da noise bringin in da funks
she bringin in da clots she bringin in da clunks
my menses ain’t my mens…can i get an amen?
glad i ain’t pregnant but all i can say is, oh really you again?

girl putcho tampon in
blood is runnin down yo’ shin

glo worm is a glowin, red rivah is a flowin
there’s so much blood on the dancefloor
gimme 2 paddles i be rowin
i’m in tune with tha moon even with my ovurings
sometimes just to kick it da ode school way
i bust out my always with wings
got on my period panties, yo i try to keep em cleans
no thanks i’m on a diet
i’ll have 3 diet cokes and 3 lean cuisines
no i ain’t nell carter, but this week i’m a fire starter
so gimme a break before i kill you dead
my nervous man ax, “is you on yo pe-ri-ed?”

5 to 7 days in the red tent
make my day pay my bills and rent

girl putcho tampon in
blood is runnin down yo’ shin
Track Name: Shake It Out The Leg
ho: man, subsitute teaching is hard... shideeda don’t run so fast!
teacher friend: no doubt wendy.
ho: def not what i had planned but times is tough... malcom-jamal, give seeja her ball back! well,hello nicotina. what’s wrong, honey?
kid: ms. ho, i made doodoo.
ho: awwww. you know when i shit in my pants... i just shake it out the leg...

shake it out the leg
shake it out the leg
when i shit in my pants
i just shake it out the leg

kid: miss ho tell us about the first time it happened...
miss ho: sure, i’d be glad to!

gather round kids let me tell you a tale
one that always stinks without fail
it’s not about the keebler troop
it’s about “shit elves”: they assemble your poop!

so once upon a time they workin hard overnight
tryin to wake me up but i be puttin up a fight
but dey fought back! dey wuz kickin my liver
lil fuckers tryina give me the doody shivers!

trying to hold it in, i need my beauty sleep
and my sheets never needin a giant doody heap
oh man, my ass was turtling
what’s the smell? f-f-fresh milk curdling

but got lucky passed out in my clothes
and was wearing bellbottoms not pantyhose
so i just stayed in bed
cuz when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg

shake it out the leg
shake it out the leg
when i shit in my pants
i just shake it out the leg

kids: tell us more, ms. ho!
ho: sure, lemme think.. hmmm... oh yeah!

another time went out for mexican
was about to make a mess again
just call me diarrhea pearlman
not a lady, i’m a motherfuckin girl, man!

wasn’t gonna make it to the toilet
said “give me the floor, i think i’m gonna soil it”
waiter yellin “oh, please god save us!”
better call in ann b. davis

donde esta el quarto de bahno???
was bloated like a young jerry o’connell
lady lump BETWEEN the cheeks
my ass has lips: yo i seen it speak

bangin on the door some bitchz taking forever
bout to get an ax but then i remembered
i can chill even smellin like an egg
cuz when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg

shake it out the leg
shake it out the leg
when i shit in my pants
i just shake it out the leg

kids: go ms. ho, go ms, ho! one more!
ho: ok, i went camping...

upstate, playing black jack with black jerry
makin chili by any beans necessary
don’t need cards to be playin craps
if my plumber was there he’d be playin taps!

i don’t need tp i need paper towels
wish i ate at mcdonalds or even mcdowells
“bowelful” of chili almost filling my jeans
damn muthafucka... i need the latrines!

but there was no toilet in sight
ain’t a pope or a bear so i held my ass tight
got lost but i left my own trail
don’t smell it? it’s cool, i can feel it in braille

all i needed was a bucket
or a pool or a pond but then i said fuck it
when i’m a pirate it runs down my peg
but when i shit in my pants i just shake it out the leg

shake it out the leg
shake it out the leg
when i shit in my pants
i just shake it out the leg
Track Name: Lucky Man
yes my lucky man
no otha woman can do it like i can
my man my man my man oh my privleged man

see, i only aim to please
hen i give him a hand release
he don’t hold back he paints the walls
with his own niagara falls
yes ma’am that’s my man i’m his livin dream
if i ever find myself in the family way
he can redecorate the baby’s room in cream

yes my lucky man
no otha woman can do it like i can
my man my man my man oh my privleged man

i make him homemade guacamole
for that he licks my crack and hole, g
he starts at my belly ends up at my spine
he’s down south in virginia and the weather is fine
tears of joy he cries
from his peenee hole
yo i can’t believe i just said peenee hole
talkin bout my man like he three years old

yes my lucky man
no otha woman can do it like i can
my man my man my man oh my privleged man

see my man he really gets it
he takes my pussy out and then he pets it
i’m talking bout my kitten retard
a flash of my pink makes his purple dick hard
and sometimes he be chinese
makes me chow fun and says “more pussy prease”
he gets so lonely when i’m away
so i made him a mold of my vajayjay
sometimes you gots to make a mold out of that shit
and you know, sometimes some people like to use jello
when they make a mold
other people use like clay,
but I use ham to make a mold out of my vajayjay
my sweet vajayjay
hayyyyyy

lucky man my lucky man
i hold his dick when he pisses
lucky man my lucky man
give him kitty butthole kisses
lucky man my lucky man
i’ll milk his prostate til he’s cancer free
rucky man my rucky man
he big bangs my pussy thru the galaxy…
Track Name: I Am The Shit (When I'm On Stage)
i am the shit i am the feces
when i’m on stage
i am the shit i am the feces
when i’m on stage

yo! last name ho but no i ain’t asian
totally appropriate for any occasion
any boujey party full of savoir faire
i let them eat cake while i let down my hair

i sing my songs, i tell my troof
leave a gift in yo pool, look like a baby roof
i’m a healer: bring your lame and crippled
bring me homosexuals, my album sales triple

“beware of the ho!” don’t rattle my cage
bite the head off a dildo thrown on my stage
read me my rights, frisk me, cuff me
oh you didn’t hear when i asked y’all to “fuck me”?

i’m rollin solo, not the fifth fuckin beatle
gettin drunk, my alcohol syndrome is fetal
dats rite you staring at da main attracion
i am bubbles, you just michael jackson

i am the shit i am the feces
when i’m on stage
i am the shit i am the feces
when i’m on stage

i’m the qween of the queens, ginuwine like a pony
tough on the children, tender as a roni
raised on slurpees, cow, and corn
i’m agnetha, frida, benny and bjorn

not for the frail, the weak, the fainthearted
a man came in mensa and walked out retarded
also made a crazy bitch go sane
yo you catch my performance on the soul train?

sang a new song called “eat my pussy, lord”
got yanked off the stage, but the ratings soared
now i’m “the qween of poop,” “the divine miss ho”
but i’m a star for ONE reason: my pussy gots flow!

you can judge and try to deny
butcha bettah look out! you get skeet in yo eye
and that shit stings oh and that shit burns
but sometimes the hard way the only way you learns

i am the shit i am the feces
when i’m on stage
i am the shit i am the feces
when i’m on stage

yo you feel that rumble? put your head to the ground
you gotta squint your ears to hear the fuckin sound
i’m coming like a japanese bullet train
first i burrow in your ear then i burrow in your brain!

cuz when i’m on tour i be strokin balls
addressing my flock: biggie fries, biggie smalls
ya’ll want an encore? hold on ladies
gotta run backstage to suck off slim shady

sometimes i needs a little hydration
make it back in time for my standing ovation
accept all your flowers and take my bows
thank god i’m a ho not holier than thou

a white trash girl gone ghetto superstar
my pussy been stretched wide and far
making non believers say “yo, she is risen”
cuz when i’m on parole you be safer in prison
Track Name: You Frew Dis
So you thought you was just gonna get away with that shit?
Hmmmm...I don't think so!

couldn’t wait for karma gurl so i waved my wand
i took a piss in yo pool now it’s a golden pond
i said “offa my stage, i ain’t stopping sweetheart”
pushed yo grandma down a hill in a shopping cart
then i stole yo diary - read it to a stadium crowd
don’t be hushin my life i’m gonna live out loud!

why? cuz you frew dis
ya’ll done made me do this
oh yeah you frew dis
ya’ll done made me do this
to you
and yo mama knew dis
do you??

i sent you off to school, with shat inside yo lunch pail
i’m the new lifeguard and i let yo ass flail
trying to keep me down, this is my hoetry
so when your purse is gone bitch, you know it’s me
i smoke a pack a day just to give you second hand
don’t need no backstage pass, i ain’t with, I AM the band

why? cuz you frew dis
ya’ll done made me do this
oh yeah you frew dis
ya’ll done made me do this
to you
and yo mama knew dis
do you??

yo, clear the runway! it’s time fo a queeroff
then get in the ring i’ll bitecha fuckin ear off
yeah, you BETTER sail away cause my flow is orinoco
in your face comes scalding cup of hot coco

yeah i’m starfruit, you the string on a banana
i’m fuckin poised, you chlumsky, anna
so curb yourself cuz you a dog with droopy ears
i’ll put ya face in yo shit, you’ll cry poopy tears

yes ma’am i’m a ho, head to toe, knees and shoulders
you got lil rocks i got low hangin boulders
dat’s right i said it i got balls don’t forget it
let me borrow your car i’ll fill it with sugar unleaded....


why? cuz you frew dis
ya’ll done made me do this
oh yeah you frew dis
ya’ll done made me do this
to you
and yo mama knew dis
do you??
Track Name: Day In The Life
i wake up in da morning got a knob in my back
didn’t sleep wrong, got a man in the sack
mornin! my mashed potatoes need creamin
he stirs it up good the gravy is semen

we all done i head to my throne
i pinch off a loaf, solid as a bone
dis one perfect for my weblog
http: a log of my logs

time for a shower, maybe the tub
scrub my cooch for the red thong club
bunch a dirty grammas want me to croon
songs that will lube a dry ole poon

write down a verse, bass line pumping
grab a pillow – practice my humping
put on my tights, my superhero cape
gotta stop the release of my sex tape

it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a beautiful day)
it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a wonderful day)

go see my gramma we be watchin stories
2pm in rolls aunt lori
she doin the walk but she ain’t got no shame
smokin a cig, “hey, how the ho game?”

i say “tricks is good” she say “tricks is for kids!”
i say “suck my dick!” she say “god forbids!”
meemaw chime in she say, “that’s so funny!
one day wendy, you have all da money!”

“thanks meemaw!” then we high five
do a lil dance to “stayin alive”
that’s her jam cuz she so old
I say“i love you meemaw , but i gots ta go!”

big press conference i gots news
elbows to rub and schmoo to schmooze
i announce my show: a benefit for rabies
i kiss their hands and i SHAKE their babies!

it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a beautiful day)
it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a wonderful day)

i hear fanfare when i walk thru the doors
my name is announced “wendy, queen of the whores!”
“who am i wearing?” wouldn’t you like to know
an original from da mind of a ho

whole lotta bitches trynna imitate
rip offs, imposters, but i don’t hate
only one ho indivisble by god
i spare the child and spoil the rod

why you gotta be all up in my shit?
axin me queshuns and sprayin spit
this is a party the night’s just begun
“excuse me ma’am, i’d like to blow your son!”

all i’m looking for is lasting peace
in the meantime i’ll mentor your niece
spread a lil wisdom and jizz on a cracker
you thought i was white? i’m black…and getting blacker!

it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a beautiful day)
it’s just a day in the life of wendy ho (it’s a wonderful day)
Track Name: Candles
the candles are lit and i'm ready to screw
we're such a perfect fit and i'm ready to do you-ew-ew
i've just dimmed the lights i'm bout to grab my lubes
brace yoself cuz i'm gonna curl yo pubes

if you cold i’m gonna fuck you till yo temperature rises
if you black i’m gonna fuck you till yo dick shrink 2 sizes
fuck yo brother, yo daddy, yo grandpa too
an albino till his pink eyes turn blue
fuck you till the weatherman calls for heavy rain
i’ll fuck you SUPER, man, yeah i’m lois “effin” lane
if you irish i’m a drain you outta all of your luck
getcho dick outta yo pants, yo i’m ready to fuck!

the candles are lit and i'm ready to screw
we're such a perfect fit and I'm ready to do you-ew-ew
i've just dimmed the lights i'm bout to grab my lubes
so brace yoself cuz i'm gonna curl yo pubes

what’s happenin? i’m a fuck you like rerun, hon
fuck a 1000 needle dicks in the land of the rising sun
i’m a fuck you in the desert while you waitin on the storm
i’m a fuck you like a freshman in your college dorm
i’ll be bringin chicken you be bringin jerk sauce
this is my cubicle and i’m the boss, hoss
if you jewish i’m a fuck you thru a white sheet… BOO!
getcho cock outta your khakis, i’m gonna fuck you!

enter stage left i’ll just be wearing a robe
my dame judy stench like wez at the old globe
i did it to you once an you nevah forgot
cuz i’m an antagonist: i always thicken yo plot

if you crazy i’m a fuck you till yo brain goes sane
fold me up like origami: my pussy a paper crane
if you mexican i’ll fuck you in the back of the kitchen
i always need dick, cause my pussy got that itchin
I’m “qween of the fuck” i’m world renowned
i won the “ho pageant” yo i wept when i was crowned
if you a priest i’m onna fuck you in the back of a confessional
don’t try this at home, i’m a ho-fessional

Hey we can light all of these candles
We can lay down and we can make love
Hey we can light all of these candles
We can lay down and we can make love all night long all night long

Where’d you get all these candles anyways, yankee candle company?
Track Name: Jerry Party!
earrings necklaces and bracelets
they look so fine (look so fine)
earrings necklaces and bracelets
buy me jerry anytime (anytime)

i’m havin a jerry party
with jerry fo sale
and if you don’t know no jerry
then you don’t know me very wale
don’t want no peelin jerry
that shit turn yo finger green
i want 24 karat gode
make me feel like a queen

earrings necklaces and bracelets
they look so fine (look so fine)
earrings necklaces and bracelets
buy me jerry anytime (anytime)

you can buy it on qvc
but stay away from claire’s
dat aint no boutique
it’s da troof so dontchoo dare
yeah i want sparkly diamondz
i want precious stones
adorn me like a shrine
put me on a throne

rings on my fingers, dangles and hoops
buy me lots of jerry make my earlobes droop
these are some of my favorite things
buy me lots of jerry make my heart sing sing la la lah lah lah
la la lah lah lah
and i wanna be singing

earrings necklaces and bracelets
they look so fine (look so fine)
earrings necklaces and bracelets
buy me jerry anytime (anytime)
buy me jerry anytime (anytime)
Track Name: White Bitch
i hate choo white bitch
could be yo high pitch, cross stitch
something boutchoo flips my switch to off bitch
you turn me off bitch i said it

brenda gurl
you such a big time spenda gurl
at the mall, witcha husband paul
pita chips, gym memberships
costa rica take a trip
and you never pay a dime for it
hey hey hey

stephanay
you drank up all the chardonnay
in my house, in my house
book clubs, goat cheese
high rolla witcha baby strolla
and you always in my way
by the way yo husband gay

so get in yo golden mini van
slut with a gut you mighta had a kid but you still look pregnant
you drinking juice without the gin
what’s that you left ya left on yo plate?
you eat chicken without the skin.

i hate choo white bitch,
could be yo high pitch, cross stitch
something boutchoo flips my switch to off bitch
you turn me off bitch i said it

lisa skank
you be sportin way too much pank
like a sticker book by lisa frank
and you so thin like a skeleton... damn gurl you is little!
you look like you eat nuthin but skittles... taste the rainbow

carolyn
oh gurl where yo husband been?
pseudonym at the holiday inn
his dick: baby corn, hard drive: full of porn
getting blown in jacuzzis
wake up little floozy

so get in yo golden mini van
slut with a gut you mighta had a kid but you still look pregnant
you drinking juice without the gin
what’s that you left ya left on yo plate?
you eat chicken without the skin?

damn gurl, you just a stupid white bitch.
talking about hot yogurt, like “i’m on my way to hot yogurt!”
occhay, becchy.

brenda, stephannay, lisa skank, carolyn
pita chips, goat cheese, skittles and baby corns

so get in yo golden mini van
slut with a gut you mighta had a kid but you still look pregnant
you drinking juice without the gin
what’s that you left ya left on yo plate?
you eat chicken without the skins?

so... does that mean you not gonna eat that?
well slide it over here, white bitch!